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- I'm Not Just 'Dad'. I'm a Husband and...Me.
I'm Not Just 'Dad'. I'm a Husband and...Me.
Maintaining balance between your three lives
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A random guy on Twitter gave out some great advice the other day.
When asked:
āFor those who are 55+, if you could go back and re-live your 30s/40s againāāāyoung kids, demanding career, stretched thināāāhow would you change how you spent your time and attention, and why?ā
One of his answers was:
Itās critical to maintain what I call āthe 3 livesā: your life as an individual, your life as a couple, and your life as a family. Too many people sacrifice one or more after having kids and itās a recipe for trouble. Boundaries are everything!ā
As a thirty-something guy with a wife, kids, and a demanding job, this hit home.
I think Nicole and I do better than most at maintaining balance (I may be biased), but we tend to lean toward āfamily lifeā more than our personal lives or life as a couple.
Given that we have two kids under two, this is probably normal. Maybe even necessary. Kids command attention, and they need a lot of it.
Weāre doing OK for now, but I can see how the focus on myself or my wife could dwindle if not nurtured with intention.
Hereās my plan to make sure I donāt look back on these years without regret.
Life as an individual
Do these things:
Exercise
Eat mostly healthy
Do work that makes me happy
Spend time with good friends
Partake in hobbies for fun, relaxation, and curiosity.
āNot enough timeā is not a valid excuse. Even though Iāve embraced my life as a dad, Iām more than that. Iām my own person too.
I need to take care of myself so that Iām happy and at my best.
Life as a couple
Nicole and I are more than Mom and Dad.
We are husband and wife.
We chose each other out of love and respect for one another. I love her, and our relationship deserves attention so that it can flourish.
These are some of the things to keep doing (besides the obvious intimate stuff):
Friendly pillow talk
Texting throughout the day
Calls during our morning commutes
Wake a little early to enjoy 15ā20 minutes of silence and coffee together
Weād like to start doing more 1-on-1 date nights (we struggle at the moment). Itās tough with two under two, but weāre working on it.
Life as a family
Weāre pretty set on this front.
The plan is to continue to love, support, guide, and have fun together as much as possible.
Family movies
Family dinners
Family game nights
Family walks around the neighborhood
One-on-one time with each of the kids
These are what we like to focus on. Family togetherness is obviously important, but so is that last one. And itās a real doozy if Iām being honest. Spending one-on-one time with everyone is tough, but they all need it.
Cheers to a life with no regrets.
Best
Jason