- Part-Time Writing by Jason Gutierrez
- I accidentally cursed my fiance
I accidentally cursed my fiance
(I think she still loves me though)
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About 15 years ago, on a Friday evening when I was in college (back when I still had a Facebook), I posted a seemingly harmless status update:
“Pumped for the weekend.”
Then, I shut my laptop and headed downstairs to rally with some friends for the evening.
The next day, I woke up around 1 in the afternoon with a massive headache, a written notice from the freshman housing association, and a giant metaphorical sack of regret on my chest.
I’ll spare you the details of what happened that night, but I can tell you that I have never, EVER been publicly “pumped” for anything ever since. On very rare occasions, I’m sure I’ve verbally declared being pumped for something (15 years would be a pretty long time without a single slip-up), but for damn certain I’ve never documented it anywhere since.
For the longest time, I thought this curse was mine and mine alone, but yesterday I messed up big time. I wished good fortune on my fiancé, Nicole — in writing — and I think I might have ruined her life.
Here’s what happened.
Usually, we wake up around 630 and have 30 minutes together before we start the day. But yesterday, I woke up at 5 to leave the house by 530 and get a jumpstart on a busy workday.
She was still sleeping when I left the bedroom, so I kissed her gently on the cheek, whispered “I love you”, and tiptoed out the door, closing it gently behind me.
While packing my lunch, an idea struck. I ripped off a PostIt note and wrote “I hope you have the best day ever!!! Love, Jason” with no less than three exclamation points. I left it on a Tupperware container in the fridge, which held the lunch I made for her the night before.
My mom used to leave notes like that in our lunchboxes all the time when I was a kid. I thought it was cruel and unusual punishment back then, but being 34 and the type of guy who tears up during Pixar movies, it seemed romantic.
Later that morning, she texted me about how my note made her day. It made me feel awesome…for a while.
When I came home from work that evening, she embraced me with a few small tears running down her cheek.
“What the hell happened?”, I asked.
She gave me the rundown.
Her work schedule was slammed all day and she had to skip lunch
After work, she went to pick up our 1-year-old son from daycare who wouldn’t stop crying
Then, she took our wailing son to Publix where she had to pick up a cupcake order that she had placed for his birthday. Fortunately, the cupcakes were half-off with a discount.
When she got there, the bakery said they hadn’t received an order. She checked her phone and accidentally placed it at the wrong Publix, one that was 20 minutes farther from home. Our son continued to let her know his displeasure with the situation.
While at the wrong Publix, she bought a few needed groceries, then left the store, walked to her car, and drove a few miles away before realizing she had left her wallet in the shopping cart.
She turned around, looked for the wallet, but couldn’t find it. Damn near had a heart attack. Thankfully, someone had turned it into customer service. A huge victory, but still a ridiculously stressful situation.
Eventually, she made it to the right Publix, got the cupcakes, and noticed the bakery hadn’t applied the discount she expected.
The bakery told her to resolve it at customer service.
Customer service told her “Oh, the bakery can help you with this.” (I’m pretty sure she lost it at this point.)
Our son was now 30 minutes past his normal dinner time and still wailing.
She resolved the cupcake issue and made it home to feed our poor baby.
He loves vegetable pasta. So, she warmed up a bowl for him as a treat after a long afternoon. But, he decided to hate vegetable pasta that day and spit out everything she gave him. What a time to take a stand.
To top it all off, he took a massive dump while not eating his meal. It went everywhere.
Honestly, I’m just glad she’s still alive. I don’t think I’ll be leaving any notes like that again for a while.